...Pissin' Me Off

I have been told (and I like to think that it is true) that I am an easy going guy... even keel. For the most part, nothing really phases me... for the most part.

I had a fairly productive day. I changed a couple of the tail lights in my truck, had an eye exam (new contacts!), got my truck inspected, went to the bank, and even managed to finally purchase a new pair of sunglasses. It started out pretty OK.

I slept in... 'cause I could, and I finally finished a movie that I ave been trying to watch for the better part of a week. Around noon, I went to the auto parts store to buy a light to replace one that had blown on my truck. When I got home, I promptly removed the tail light and replaced the burnt bulb.About this time, my mom came pulling in to the drive way with her cell phone to her ear and a sour expression on her face. As she got out of the car, she sort of scowled at me as I asked her if she would do me a favor and tell me if the light that I just replaced worked when I pressed the break. Here is what the conversation sounded like:

Me: Pushing on the break - does it work?

Mom: No

Me: Are you sure, I just put a new bulb in?

Mom: It isn't working, you must have done it wrong

Me: ...the small light on the left on the bottom, that one is not coming on?

Mom: That light is working

Me: You just said that it wasn't

Mom: NOOO, the small one is working, the one on the top on the right is not.

Me: What are you talking about?

Mom: The tail light on the right is out.

Me: Could you come here and hit the break for me?

Mom: What, you don't trust me?

Me: Could you just do it ma, so I can see for my self

Mom: Alright, alright already, couldn't you have just gotten a brick to press the gas pedal?

Me: I looked for a brick I couldn't find one.

Mom: Do you need for me to find a brick for you?

Me: No Ma, I need you to press the break!

Is anyone else reminded of a greasy, dickey wearing, Jewish engineer who lives with his mother?

I just want to get this clear, I replaced the correct light, but another light burned out in the amount of time that it took me to drive to the auto parts store and back home again.

At this point it was nearly 1:00 and I hadn't had lunch yet. I proceed to take the left over lasagna out of the fridge.

Mom: You aren't eating the lasagna are you?

Me: Yeah, you said you wanted to get rid of it before we leave

Mom: Well now what are we going to have for dinner?

I shrugged and put all of the left over lasagna on a plate and put the plate in the microwave.

Mom: You aren't using my good plates in the microwave, honestly Kyle, you don things I would never even think of!

Me: Mom, we use these plates in the microwave all the time...

Mom: No, Ky (she calls me Ky when she is trying to be condescending) we don't use these plates, we use these other plates or just put it in the microwave in the glass dish that it was already in. aren't you going to cover the dish with plastic?

Are you noticing a pattern, if not just wait, it gets better.

By the time I finished eating, it was too late to run back to the auto parts store to get the other replacement light before I needed to be at my eye appointment. When I got to the Optometrists, The receptionist couldn't find find my insurance information or any of my old prescription information... These were also apparently my fault. In the interest of brevity, I will cut this portion of the story short. Suffice it to say, crap blew up and it was my fault... apparently.

After the Optometrist adventure, I went to get my car inspected. After sitting in the waiting room for 15 minutes, the guy who came in after me to get his car inspected left. After another ten or twenty minutes I fell asleep. The guy working on my truck roused me only to tell me that the truck failed because he couldn't get it to connect to the computer. That didn't quite sound right to me, but what the hell did I know... I was half asleep anyway. So I paid him and left. When I called my dad to tell him, he all but yelled at me for not refusing to pay and failing to informing the mechanic that it was ridiculous that he would fail my truck because "he was using shitty equipment". Yeah I was surprised that my dad used the word shitty too.

Up to this point I was more or less taking it all in stride, but now I was starting to loose my cool. By the time I got home, I decided that I did not want to talk to anyone until I had eaten, perhaps that would improve my mood. I never got the chance to find out. I don't know what I said, but what ever it was it must have been slightly too sharp for my moms liking.

Mom: "Kyle! you need to watch your tone when you talk to your father, he has had a hard day and then when he got home he had to turn around and get your ass out of the ditch with that car thing. You have a terrible attitude young man. You need to watch what you say to your parents and how you say it..." Etcetera, etcetera.

If there is one thing that pisses me the hell off it is being told about my bad attitude by some whose attitude is not exactly bright and sunny. Telling me that I need to be less sharp and biting in a sharp biting tone is not exactly the way to get me to take you seriously... sorry mom.

So here is a list of things that piss me the hell off... in no particular order:

Being told I have a bad attitude

People who drive under the speed limit (or right at the speed limit)

Ass Hole Cops - you know who you are

People with an undeserved sense of entitlement

Nancy Pelosi's laugh

Being told trickle down economics doesn't work... it does, you moron.

Willful ignorance (it is a remote control, learn it)

And finally, the thing that pisses me off the most: People who are happy when I am pissed off!

So there you have it... tune in next time to hear me complain about how hard it is to find decent guys sunglasses at a reasonable price.

The Plan

Planning is crucial. Oh sure, flying by the seat of your pants is fun -- exhilarating even,

but when it is you against the soulless zombie hoards a little planning may just save your life. We all knowthe Zombie apocalypse is imminent, looming, staggering and groaning just on the horizon, this has never been in question. The question is, will you be prepared?

Oh, you think the Zombie Apocalypse is just a story made up to scare children, and the cautionary training videos that Hollywood has given us are just entertainment? Perhaps you are unaware of the 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Will Happen. If we can believe everything we see on the Internet, and I believe we can, the Apocalypse has already begun, in LA (of all places) and is being documented by a crew of brave survivors who were not infected in the initial outbreak.

The Zombie invasion is going to happen, but how and when -- I can't say. Seriously. You don't have clearance, I can't tell you. But when it does happen, will you be prepared to face the stumbling juggernaut of brain thirsty death? Lets assume that you are one of the lucky ones (or unlucky depending on how pessimistic you are) who survives Z-day. Will you have what it takes to face that rotting corpse that used to be that hot girl that sat in front of you in physics who is now trying to eat your brains, and knock her head off with a baseball bat? You take care of her, but what about the other 2o,000 Zombies lumbering all around campus? Killing a zombie is not difficult, it is like beating up an old person. It is a question of numbers. while you are busy dismembering that former hottie from physics (who am I kidding, there are no hotties in physics classes) there is a horde of undead students gnawing on your body.

I am not going to tell you what your plan should be for that fateful day, in fact I think, in order to

preserve human kind in the face of the soulless undead, it would be wise to have as many people with as many different plans as possible, but I will give you some pointers. the flow chart outlines the choices you will have to make should you survive the initial outbreak (sadly, many of you won't).

So you survive Z-Day, you choose to beat them but you don't have a plan. Unless you are Chuck Norris you will fail. Much like the Nazi in the last crusade, you choose poorly when you choose to beat 'em. Unfortunately if the zombie you face is chuck Norris it doesn't matter what sort of plan you have you will fail... but even as I write this I realize that this is an impossibility because if a zombie were to bite Chuck Norris, it would turn back into a human, meaning that Chuck Norris is the cure to zombieism... but I digress. So in formulating your plan for the inevitable horror ahead here are a few things to consider:

• Zombies always have the advantage: there are more of them than there are of you, they are relentless, they are focused (on eating your brain), and when they "kill"you, you become one of them... like a less evil version of the Borg.
• You will always run out of gas when you are surrounded... it is Murphy's Law at its best.
• The funnest place to practice your zombie killing technique is the mall... be sure they have a music store and a hardware store. AVOID THE PARKING DECK!
• If I have learned anything from video games it is that you never want to be in first place on the second lap, the blue turtle shells will get you every time, but also that Zombies have the inexplicable ability to respawn... just keep this in mind.
• When it comes to actually destroying zombies guns are OK, but Chainsaws are AWESOME!
• Baseball bats do not meed to be reloaded, but they may break if the zombie has a particularly persistent scull.
• Jedi mind trick work on zombies
• Rob Zombie is not an actual zombie, he is a poser, don't fall for his tricks.
• Although Zombie people seem to have some mobility issues, do not be deceived, they can run faster than a straight guy being chased by Richard Simmons.
• Zombie animals do not share the same mobility issues as zombie humans, in fact the opposite appears to be true, they get faster, more agile and more vicious.
• it doesn't matter how much you loved them, if they are trying to eat you Do Not give them a hug.
• She is not trying to bite you because she is kinky, she wants to eat you.
• If you are covered in blood and stagger around as if drunk, zombies will not attack you... Zombies are not smart, this is a scientific fact.
• Lastly, it will not stop until its head is gone.

Some literature and field guides, and Training Simulations that may aid you in your plans are:

The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen

Resident Evil 4, the Training Simulation

Dead Rising, Training simulation

The Resident Evil documentary series

Shaun of the Dead, Z-day documentary

My Boyfriend's Back, zombies and personal relationships documentary.

wow, it has been forever since I posted... sorry guys Orcanic chemistry is taking over my life, you will just have to wait.

It is fun to think sometimes....

"My head was too crazy. The thoughts bounced around inside my skull like a disoriented swarm of bees. Noisy. Now and then they stung. Must be hornets, not bees. Bees died after one sting. And the same thoughts were stinging me again and again."

Stephanie Meyer, Breaking Dawn



The Mind is a curious thing. This is a little heady, but it is fun to think sometimes and to see where the currents of the mind may take you, sometimes it you are pushed along gently and steadily by one particular enthralling idea, other times it is like a Hurricane in your head, with idea after idea swirling in and out of your consciousness.




One such thought that struck me today as I was reading an online comic called Freak Angels, which was suggested to me by a friend of mine. Are the thoughts we think our own or are they put there by someone/something else? In the story there is a character who can put thoughts into peoples minds. He says at one point that he is giving a lecture on the nature of time in the minds of several, randomly chosen people. This got me to thinking... he was putting thoughts into my head too apparently. Occasionally I will be thinking to myself, but it won't be thoughts that are in my own voice, rather it is like someone else is speaking in my head. No, not like voices in my head, just thoughts that are out of the vein of my usual thoughts. The process of thinking is strange and mysterious to me, that is why I struggle to abstain from it as often as possible. These thoughts, though, must come from somewhere. For every causes there is an effect, this surely must be true of thought. Someone tells you Not to think of two apple pies having a lightsaber duel, suddenly, that is the only thing you can think of... cause - effect. Is there ever any such thing as a truly original thought? Logic would say that there must be, original thought breeds innovation. But does it really? The Light Bulb, Edison's wonder, but really it was just an improvement on the candle.

One day Thomas Edison was working in his lab when he thought, "We need something that can help us to see when it is dark..."
His assistant said to him, "It is called fire... a candle"
"Yes, but I want to make the candle better"
"It is already pretty good, I mean we even have scented candles for when you not only want to see, but smell as well."
Edison promptly fired that assistant for being a jerk, and just to stick it to him, named his candle improvement after him... the assistants name was Benjamin Lightbulb, and man did he feel like a dork.
This is a completely made up, original, story used to illustrate my point of complete non-originality. Edison's idea for the light bulb wasn't an original idea, man has been trying to see in the dark since the beginning of dark, he is simply the only one to do something about it... well, the second one anyway, someone, I'm sure discovered fire way back when.


The more I think about it, the more I come to realize that the vast majority of my thoughts are not really my own. They are the product of my environment, what I hear, see and do. On the other hand, Where I take those thoughts, or rather, where those thoughts take me is completely my own... I think. Just like Edison. Sure, tons of people probably thought that the insubstantial light from a candle should be improved upon, but Edison actually did it. While the thought may or may not have been original, the result was.


No one thinks in the same way, which is why presented with the same prompt or stimulus people will invariably develop their own unique perspectives (or conclusions). I think this is why one person can love a book or movie or song and someone else can completely abhor it. how do you feel about country music in general?


But what about someone actually having the ability to implant their thoughts, ideas, views, into someone else's mind... telepathy? Is it real, is it possible? Probably not, but maybe, let's pretend it is. It is an incredibly ubiquitous idea. In Harry Potter Voldimort uses a form of "magic" called Occlumency to see into the mind of others, and on occasion to plant thoughts and ideas in the mind of his victims that will cause them to bend to his will (whether they are aware of it or not). Professor Xavier of X Men (as well as a few other mutants) has the power influence read/manipulate/control minds, and with the help of his "Crerbro" could connect to every human and mutant mind on earth. He used his power benevolently. I am sure you can think of other examples form some of you favorite books, TV shows, and movies. So, how about it, The thoughts you are thinking right now might not be you own. They could be mine. What if I placed them there for my own amusement? For the betterment of mankind? For my own nefarious purposes? What if it was Professor X's thoughts? what if they are "The Man's"? Well...?


I don't have an answer, I was just thinking. It is a scary thought, but I suppose it wouldn't make much difference to me as ling as I remained blissfully unaware. But what do you think? ... think for yourself

Tangent:

Each of us has a completely unique mind. It is this that has allowed for the Einsteins, and Edisons, and Schrödingers, Galileo, Newton, etc. of this world to thrive. The uniqueness of the human mind has also allowed the Alexanders and the Napoleons and the Atillas... even the Hitlers of the world to be in some sense great, if only for a time. The Builders and the Destroyers. It is said that some people have the ability to capture peoples imaginations. This is a particularly worrying thought if the people who are doing the capturing are of the destructive persuasion. These people who "capture the public imagination" have the ability to put thoughts into peoples heads. Not like mind control of course, not like Professor X (although I think I remember reading somewhere that Hitler did experiment with mind control, good thing he didn't get his hands on "Cerebro"). They have power, derived from who knows where, but it is the power to tell us, the normal people, exactly what and how to think, and we willingly, dumbly, even enthusiastically oblige. Unquestioningly.


That power can also be used for great good. Revolutions that freed oppressed people, Revelations that freed men to explore the earth. Thinking men and women, who could capture the imagination of the world, have changed the course of history, many for the better, some for the worse. Despite this, people have decided somewhere along the line that it is OK to not think for themselves. They have decided that because they don't know something, aren't experts in the field, they are somehow incapable of understanding a concept. They will defer to the "experts". No one can know everything about everything... philosophers will tell you that no one can know anything about anything. Philosophers are silly sometimes (sorry Tom). The fact that the extent of human knowledge is finite should not, however, cause us to limit ourselves in what we are willing to try to understand, or know, or believe. Take any topic you fell strongly about... Global Warming, Abortion, the Existence of a God or gods... or how bout something less controversial, like the best kind of car, or your favorite music. Are your thoughts (beliefs and opinions) about those things your own? Have you tried them and found them to be ...well, as correct as you can know them to be? Or, do you hold on to thoughts that other people who are "smarter" than you claim are the only correct thoughts? Don't limit yourself. Search. Understand, if for no other reason than the fact that you can. Try new things. you like *insert musical genre here* why? Did your friends tell you that it was cool and *other genre* was not, so you stopped listening to it because they told you to? global warming is a problem because Al Gore says it is, or because the surface temperature of the earth is truly rising because of human action? what is it isn't, what if it is a cyclical change that occurs every couple of hundred years? I'm not telling you how to think, I'm just asking that you do.

this has really been nothing more than a thought game I played with myself and unfortunately for have written down for you to ponder. Do you want to know the point, here it is:

It is fun to think sometimes...

...So You Like Plants, eh?

Like so many other children, I went to summer camp for a week each summer during the years between 6th grade and 10th grade. Some went to Sports Camp, others Theatre Camp, Scouts Camp, or even Space Camp. I, however, went to Church Camp. It was fun. The lake, the wacky camp songs, the games, the horrible food, and the friends... I loved it all. I also loved the "churchy" parts. We'd get up early every morning and have a personal prayer and Bible study time, basically quiet time alone with God, which is something I constantly neglect now. Then we'd go to breakfast and then we'd take an unnecessarily long hike to the chapel for a morning service (for lack of a better term). There was the usual singing and campy message (pun intended) from speakers like Brett Ray, who is actually the only speaker, who was not from my church, who's name I can remember.

I'm not going to give you a rundown of everything we did during those days at camp, I dare say that most would find that to be tedious and boring. Many of my most vivid memories are from those days at camp, and many of those memories are of events that were either horrific and traumatizing, or epic and life changing/defining, the latter being largely from the summer after 6th grade... or was it seventh. It is about one of those Life Defining moments that I'm writing about.
One afternoon the counselors had us participating in something of a role playing activity. Any of you who have been through Resident Advisor training I'm sure will remember the "Behind Closed Doors" portion of the training. For those who haven't this is where the New RA's are presented with a situation that they may encounter in the course of their jobs. The experienced RA's act as everything from rowdy residents who are simply making too much noise to angry room mates, to suicidal residents, and victims of rape. The New RA's are then critiqued on how they handled the situation and given pointers on how similar situations can be dealt with in real life. This is all to help them to be prepared for what ever the residents might throw at them. This is also a good chance for the experienced RA's to have a little fun and see if we can get the newbies to cry... it is always funny. It was a similar activity that we were participating in at camp, only instead of teaching us how to deal with college students, the point of this exercise was to help us to know how to respond to difficult situations that might crop up when trying to evangelize.
I know it sounds like they were brain washing us or whatever else you want to say, but it was not that at all and in the end what they were trying to teach us was how to show the Love of Christ to everyone we meet... which is, in my opinion the most effective way to spread the gospel. People tend to respond better to kindness and friendship then condemnation and the preaching of dogmatic rules. Once I finish the story hopefully this will all make sense, so bear with me.

A group of us sixth graders (or was it seventh) walked into one of the lounge rooms where there was a lady that I recognized as one of the counselors, although I didn't know her name... it was Kathy. She looked a bit upset and was watering plastic plants. I leaned over to my buddy Timmy and cracked a joke loud enough for everyone in the immediate vicinity to hear, and there was a low rumble of laughter. We knew basically what was going on, and basically what we were supposed to do. We had been told that in this scenario there was a woman who was upset, and needed to her the "good news". This was our last scenario before dinner and free time and I was pretty much done with the whole thing. Some of the girls, whose nerves and emotions are already a bit shaken from the past scenarios try to strike up a preliminary conversation to feel out what exactly we were up against. They tried to share pleasantries, they tried to compliment her, they tried to get her to acknowledge them... she didn't, if anything, she just looked angrier and angrier. All of this I observed with what I imagine to be an impassive expression on my face, because as I said before, dinner was looming, and I really didn't care about anything else. Eventually the girls got Kathy to drop a few hints, and from what I could tell this was a completely unfair situation. The woman Kathy was pretending to be was justifiably upset. She had recently miscarried late in a pregnancy (either that or lost an infant short after birth, either way it was traumatic... we'll work off of the miscarriage scenario, it really doesn't make a difference to the story). The physical trauma of the miscarriage made it impossible for her to become pregnant again, which is something she desperately wanted... I think it had something to do with cysts or cancer on the ovaries, but like I said before, I wasn't paying real close attention. I was too busy thinking about fried chicken and corn on the Cob. It was then that someone decided to play the "everything happens for a reason" card which even I knew was a mistake of Titanic proportions. Kathy explodes. The woman was an amazing actor. Never before had I witnessed such an outburst of fury, fear, and sadness. Kathy was a small lady, but in that moment it was no longer Kathy standing before us, it was an enormous, vicious, hungry Bear, with bared teeth and claws ready to devour us all. She had my full and complete attention, all thoughts of dinner were gone. She was saying things that no mere words, especially from a smelly sixth grader, could counter, and the character she was playing had completely justifiable reasons for saying them. She said things like, God doesn't exist, or if he does, he is evil for allowing that to happen to her, God murdered her child, she went on ranting like that for quite some time. By this point most of the girls were weeping, not simply crying, serious water works... like a cartoon when the tears shoot from their eyes like a waterfall... I was incredulous. I am not an emotional person, I often joke that I have no heart/feelings, perhaps that is why I thought what I was seeing was so ridiculous (not for the reasons you might think). These girls were not only sympathetic, they were empathetic, they were feeling her profound loss (albeit fake). A few were still trying to say things like, "You need to turn to God, he can help you through this." to which she would icily retort, "Can he give me my child back... can he bring him back from the dead?" To which I thought to my self, "there was this guy named Lazarus a long time ago..." but I knew it would be pointless to mention this, this woman didn't need preaching, she needed a friend, someone who actually cared about her, and we couldn't give that to her. Things began to quiet down a little bit which is the exact point I lost my mind and decided to open my big fat retarded mouth. Without any lead in, and without much thought, I said "...So, you like plants, eh?" Silence. Glares. An incredulous look from one of the counselors. An elbow in my ribs from Tim. A few hesitant chuckles...
Kathy Ripping Into Me. "What the Hell! I just lost my child, and you want to talk about plants!? What are you, some kind of moron?" Here is where I realized my critical mistake, Timing. Some have it, some don't, this was the exact moment I learned I didn't have it.

Some of you have, no doubt, already guessed what I was trying to do here. It is what I always do; first, find common ground, a place where we can both understand one another. Second, show interest in her interests to create a bond between us. Third, get her talking about something that isn't the thing that is bothering her. Fourth, and finally, lighten the mood, get her mind off of it, and on to something that might make her smile. I failed.

From there, things quickly devolved and the scenario was over. Kathy assured everyone that it was all a made up scenario and that she was simply acting. We discussed what people did right and what we did wrong. And it was all very interesting, then she came to me and my comment. She said that I was exactly right in what I was trying to do, I just should have tried to do it earlier... story of my life. Then it was my turn to talk. In the whole time I had been there the only words I said (that the whole group could hear) were "So you like plants". too be honest I cant exactly remember how much of this I told them, and how much I wish I had told them but here it is. "That scenario was unwinable, in all the other ones the people playing them came around to our side and prayed or did whatever... it was a bit hokey and unrealistic, this one was different. You (Kathy) were never going to give in and pray or repent or whatever it is that our objective was. That means that that is not supposed to be our objective. What we should try to do is not necessarily "evangelize" everywhere we go, but simply show the Love of Christ in our lives, or let Him live through us as it is so often said in the church... We went on and discussed this for a while and broke up for dinner.

This is what I got out of that looking back now.
In everything I do, in all my relationships, with everyone I meet, I should treat them with kindness where kindness in needed, patience were patience is needed, generosity when generosity is needed, and even when it isn't (according to your means). Be slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Be nice even when it is hard. Be helpful, even when you think you're the one that needs help. In short LOVE. These are things that I strive to and often fall short of. I learned more than this though. I learned a few things about myself.

• I don't like to be serious. I think people are too serious too much, I like to have fun, and I like to see people smiling. I like it even more when I can make them smile. It is because of this I act like a goofball a lot of the time. If I can make a joke I will, and even if I cant I'll try and hope that the attempt was enough to get a pity chuckle out of you. I suppose it is my small contribution to the world. Or simply to my friends and everyone I have the pleasure to meet. I will do almost anything I can to get a smile.
• I have HORRIBLE timing... always have, always will.
• I can't empathize with girls, I can try, but I usually fail.
• there are a few things that can tearme away from my thoughts of food, one of those is an angry Kathy (my mom's name is Kathy also).

After that "evangelism scenario" word spread about my plants comment and by the end of the day the camp was a-buzz with laughter about my ludicrous attempt at whatever it was that I was trying to do. It was a joke among the youth of my church until I graduated High School. I was happy, for 7 years, I could bring a smile to peoples faces with the memory of 4 words.

...So, you like plants....

The proof is in the yogurt...

Just so you are forewarned, I am going to complain, that is what this posting is about, if you don't like that, you don't have to read it, I just want to vent... it is selfish, I know, but it is also cathartic. I know how blessed I am, and I know how much worse other people have it than me, so please dont leave angry comments saying that I should be thinking of the plight of others before myslef, I already know what a horrible selfish person I am.

I live and work on a college campus. I eat 9 meals in one of the "on campus" dining locations every week. why only 9 you ask... that is the amount of food that my services are worth to campus living and dining, and that is how much they provide. Don't get me wrong, I am very well compensated for the work I do... a generous stipend, housing in one of the dorms, (er I mean "Residence Halls"...common campus living, lets call a spade a spade) and those 9 meals per week. If you do the math that is 1 meal per day every week day, and 2 on the weekends, this isn't what I am complaining about. Generally speaking, I eat well, and why shouldn't I, the plan that I am on would cost a regular student about $1,200 for a semester. Sadly, I eat well (we're talking quantity, not quality) because I eat as little campus food as possible. Some of the food on campus is truly great, but for the amount of money people are shelling out for this food, I would expect the greatness factor to be much, well, greater than "sometimes". I spend the majority of my meals at one of the subways on campus. 95% of the time I am disappointed with the sandwich I get, but I eat it. It isn't so much the poor construction of the sandwiches that bothers me the most, or the fact that "a little mayo" some how means "Pile it on ma'am, I want that sandwich to be swimming in that mayo!". I'm not really even bothered by the fact that they treat you like you just smacked their favorite niece, there is no accounting for customer service. No, what bothers me the most is that they almost never wash the utensils. Gross! I used to love meatball subs. Not anymore. that spoon they use to scoop the meatballs is caked with layers and layers of dried on grease and marinara sauce. The knives they use, just as bad. Oh yeah, and the flies... little tiny fruit flies EVERYWHERE! And yet this is where I spend the majority of my meals. once again you may ask, why? The dining hall is worse, that is why.

It isn't necessarily for the same reasons. The people, as a whole, are much kinder, just like you'd expect cafeteria workers to be... and there are the ones that everyone seems to know, and like... Mrs. Bernice we'll call her. As nice as the people are, the food is usually just plain bad. I once had carrots that tasted like paint thinner smells. In a recent foray into the dining hall, brought on by a massive lapse in judgement which I can only attribute to the fact that I had not yet had coffee that day, I decided to get some yogurt... mondo mistake! I think where I went wrong was that I went late in the "Brunch" meal period, nothing was what you would call fresh. Long story short those weren't berries in the yogurt. I should have known better, 9 times out of 10 I leave the dining hall only because I hear the call of nature -- I'm pretty sure they use laxatives as baking additives. Also, once in my freshmen year, I got a cup of coffee out of the "dispenser" thing and found something that looked suspiciously like a lugie in the bottom of the cup... but that might have just been spoiled cream... either way, it was Dis-Gust-Ing! I have never had dining hall coffee since, I'll just stick with my dollar and a half cup of coffee from Starbucks, thank you very much.

I know why the quality of dining on campus is so abysmal... they can get away with it. They have a captive audience. the students aren't going to do anything as long as they go back to their dorm rooms with full tummies. Oh sure, we whine and complain and stomp our feet and throw little tantrums but at the end of the day we are more or less fat and happy.

I suppose I should be counting my blessings, I mean, I at least have food. There are plenty of people, here in this town even, that go hungry. They, I suppose, would be happy to eat the food that I so often complain about. But, that doesn't change the fact that I feel gypped every time I use my compensatory meal plan on food that I find deficient... not to mention, hazardous to my health. Besides, those who go hungry are not the problem, they are a symptom, of a much greater problem, to borrow from the words of the infamous Dr. Horrible... "The fish rots from the head."

On a happier note, the food from the dining hall today was actually not too bad, Chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, corn, and broccoli from the salad bar.

Grind My Gears

I dont get sports. sure they are a fun social event, but c'mmon, lets not get all crazy. I just dont get why Carolina fans and Duke fans cant just agree to enjoy a friendly game without trying to kill oneanother. Don't misunderstand, I'm all for the competitive spirit - the thrill of a win, but folks have this wackey tendancy to take it too far. And what is this nonsense about using first person plurals when refering to a sports teams they like.

"Hey Bill how are those Bears gonna do this season?"

"We're gonna do real good Oli, real good. Ya know, we havent done so hot since we lost Ditka, but I think we gots a real shot this year."

"How bout them Cubbies, eh Bill, what you thinkin 'bout them?"

"Ah, you know Oil, Sven and I were talkin about this just the other day, I dont think we stand a shot in flyin' heck at a world series bid, but I'll still be at every game, and those mother lovin Yankees can eat my snow boots, eh."



ATTENTION SPORTS FANS:

You are not on the team, you are old and fat (if you are the particular nondescript fat old sportsfan that I am picturing in my mind...) a win for the team does not constitute a win for you. The fact that you like the Bears no more makes you a member of that team than the fact that I like Star Wars makes me a Jedi. It is the height of ludicrousity.

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Sometimes I have converstaions I am not interested in at all, but I can think of alot to say on the subject. Other times I have conversations that I am very interested in, but I cant figure out the words to say so I sound uninterested, it is a conundrum.


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One thing that really bothers me is when I go to hang out with my friends and they are completely absorbed in their crackberries or MyFace or some other form of antisocial-social activity. I went to Hang out with you, to talk with you, to interact with you, a person, not a computer or robot or immaginary friend, Y-O-U! perhaps even more annoying is when my friends come to visit me and do that. It makes me feel like I'm somehow less important than your MyFace friends most recent picture of them plastered holding both of their hands (cheap beer and all) in the air, making a *WOOT* face, and almost falling over. And unless you show me otherwise that is what I'll assume your are looking at and laughing about... I'm not gonna lie though, if I ever get a smart phone, I'll probably be like that too, and I apologize in advance.

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That brings me to my next one, Laughing at inside jokes when the person you have the joke with isn't even in town much less in the room is not cool, dont do it.


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Stephanie Meyer, your books are horrible. I can't stop reading them, they are like crack. but heres the thing, stuff happens in your book... "big reveal" stuff, stuff that should be spurising, but it isn't. You already gave away the big surprise. SPOILER ALERT: in Eclipse, when Bella's room gets broken into, and then a bunch of shifty stuff starts to happen in Seattle, your readers already know the two are connected because you told us they were connected 2 chapters before, and then you try to make it all suprising when Bella makes the connection and tells Allice, but it isn't surprising, cause everyone already knew... that frustrates me. Also, grammatical errors in published novels are not ok. Basic subject verb agreement is something that should not be a problem in a "best selling book". In blogs however (or atleast mine) spelling and grammar errors are to be expected, and I expect people to keep count and leave a detailed talley as a comment on every post... GO!