I have been told (and I like to think that it is true) that I am an easy going guy... even keel. For the most part, nothing really phases me... for the most part.
I had a fairly productive day. I changed a couple of the tail lights in my truck, had an eye exam (new contacts!), got my truck inspected, went to the bank, and even managed to finally purchase a new pair of sunglasses. It started out pretty OK.
I slept in... 'cause I could, and I finally finished a movie that I ave been trying to watch for the better part of a week. Around noon, I went to the auto parts store to buy a light to replace one that had blown on my truck. When I got home, I promptly removed the tail light and replaced the burnt bulb.About this time, my mom came pulling in to the drive way with her cell phone to her ear and a sour expression on her face. As she got out of the car, she sort of scowled at me as I asked her if she would do me a favor and tell me if the light that I just replaced worked when I pressed the break. Here is what the conversation sounded like:
Me: Pushing on the break - does it work?
Mom: No
Me: Are you sure, I just put a new bulb in?
Mom: It isn't working, you must have done it wrong
Me: ...the small light on the left on the bottom, that one is not coming on?
Mom: That light is working
Me: You just said that it wasn't
Mom: NOOO, the small one is working, the one on the top on the right is not.
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: The tail light on the right is out.
Me: Could you come here and hit the break for me?
Mom: What, you don't trust me?
Me: Could you just do it ma, so I can see for my self
Mom: Alright, alright already, couldn't you have just gotten a brick to press the gas pedal?
Me: I looked for a brick I couldn't find one.
Mom: Do you need for me to find a brick for you?
Me: No Ma, I need you to press the break!
Is anyone else reminded of a greasy, dickey wearing, Jewish engineer who lives with his mother?
I just want to get this clear, I replaced the correct light, but another light burned out in the amount of time that it took me to drive to the auto parts store and back home again.
At this point it was nearly 1:00 and I hadn't had lunch yet. I proceed to take the left over lasagna out of the fridge.
Mom: You aren't eating the lasagna are you?
Me: Yeah, you said you wanted to get rid of it before we leave
Mom: Well now what are we going to have for dinner?
I shrugged and put all of the left over lasagna on a plate and put the plate in the microwave.
Mom: You aren't using my good plates in the microwave, honestly Kyle, you don things I would never even think of!
Me: Mom, we use these plates in the microwave all the time...
Mom: No, Ky (she calls me Ky when she is trying to be condescending) we don't use these plates, we use these other plates or just put it in the microwave in the glass dish that it was already in. aren't you going to cover the dish with plastic?
Are you noticing a pattern, if not just wait, it gets better.
By the time I finished eating, it was too late to run back to the auto parts store to get the other replacement light before I needed to be at my eye appointment. When I got to the Optometrists, The receptionist couldn't find find my insurance information or any of my old prescription information... These were also apparently my fault. In the interest of brevity, I will cut this portion of the story short. Suffice it to say, crap blew up and it was my fault... apparently.
After the Optometrist adventure, I went to get my car inspected. After sitting in the waiting room for 15 minutes, the guy who came in after me to get his car inspected left. After another ten or twenty minutes I fell asleep. The guy working on my truck roused me only to tell me that the truck failed because he couldn't get it to connect to the computer. That didn't quite sound right to me, but what the hell did I know... I was half asleep anyway. So I paid him and left. When I called my dad to tell him, he all but yelled at me for not refusing to pay and failing to informing the mechanic that it was ridiculous that he would fail my truck because "he was using shitty equipment". Yeah I was surprised that my dad used the word shitty too.
Up to this point I was more or less taking it all in stride, but now I was starting to loose my cool. By the time I got home, I decided that I did not want to talk to anyone until I had eaten, perhaps that would improve my mood. I never got the chance to find out. I don't know what I said, but what ever it was it must have been slightly too sharp for my moms liking.
Mom: "Kyle! you need to watch your tone when you talk to your father, he has had a hard day and then when he got home he had to turn around and get your ass out of the ditch with that car thing. You have a terrible attitude young man. You need to watch what you say to your parents and how you say it..." Etcetera, etcetera.
If there is one thing that pisses me the hell off it is being told about my bad attitude by some whose attitude is not exactly bright and sunny. Telling me that I need to be less sharp and biting in a sharp biting tone is not exactly the way to get me to take you seriously... sorry mom.
So here is a list of things that piss me the hell off... in no particular order:
Being told I have a bad attitude
People who drive under the speed limit (or right at the speed limit)
Ass Hole Cops - you know who you are
People with an undeserved sense of entitlement
Nancy Pelosi's laugh
Being told trickle down economics doesn't work... it does, you moron.
Willful ignorance (it is a remote control, learn it)
And finally, the thing that pisses me off the most: People who are happy when I am pissed off!
So there you have it... tune in next time to hear me complain about how hard it is to find decent guys sunglasses at a reasonable price.
