I'm not going to give you a rundown of everything we did during those days at camp, I dare say that most would find that to be tedious and boring. Many of my most vivid memories are from those days at camp, and many of those memories are of events that were either horrific and traumatizing, or epic and life changing/defining, the latter being largely from the summer after 6th grade... or was it seventh. It is about one of those Life Defining moments that I'm writing about.
One afternoon the counselors had us participating in something of a role playing activity. Any of you who have been through Resident Advisor training I'm sure will remember the "Behind Closed Doors" portion of the training. For those who haven't this is where the New RA's are presented with a situation that they may encounter in the course of their jobs. The experienced RA's act as everything from rowdy residents who are simply making too much noise to angry room mates, to suicidal residents, and victims of rape. The New RA's are then critiqued on how they handled the situation and given pointers on how similar situations can be dealt with in real life. This is all to help them to be prepared for what ever the residents might throw at them. This is also a good chance for the experienced RA's to have a little fun and see if we can get the newbies to cry... it is always funny. It was a similar activity that we were participating in at camp, only instead of teaching us how to deal with college students, the point of this exercise was to help us to know how to respond to difficult situations that might crop up when trying to evangelize.
I know it sounds like they were brain washing us or whatever else you want to say, but it was not that at all and in the end what they were trying to teach us was how to show the Love of Christ to everyone we meet... which is, in my opinion the most effective way to spread the gospel. People tend to respond better to kindness and friendship then condemnation and the preaching of dogmatic rules. Once I finish the story hopefully this will all make sense, so bear with me.
A group of us sixth graders (or was it seventh) walked into one of the lounge rooms where there was a lady that I recognized as one of the counselors, although I didn't know her name... it was Kathy. She looked a bit upset and was watering plastic plants. I leaned over to my buddy Timmy and cracked a joke loud enough for everyone in the immediate vicinity to hear, and there was a low rumble of laughter. We knew basically what was going on, and basically what we were supposed to do. We had been told that in this scenario there was a woman who was upset, and needed to her the "good news". This was our last scenario before dinner and free time and I was pretty much done with the whole thing. Some of the girls, whose nerves and emotions are already a bit shaken from the past scenarios try to strike up a preliminary conversation to feel out what exactly we were up against. They tried to share pleasantries, they tried to compliment her, they tried to get her to acknowledge them... she didn't, if anything, she just looked angrier and angrier. All of this I observed with what I imagine to be an impassive expression on my face, because as I said before, dinner was looming, and I really didn't care about anything else. Eventually the girls got Kathy to drop a few hints, and from what I could tell this was a completely unfair situation. The woman Kathy was pretending to be was justifiably upset. She had recently miscarried late in a pregnancy (either that or lost an infant short after birth, either way it was traumatic... we'll work off of the miscarriage scenario, it really doesn't make a difference to the story). The physical trauma of the miscarriage made it impossible for her to become pregnant again, which is something she desperately wanted... I think it had something to do with cysts or cancer on the ovaries, but like I said before, I wasn't paying real close attention. I was too busy thinking about fried chicken and corn on the Cob. It was then that someone decided to play the "everything happens for a reason" card which even I knew was a mistake of Titanic proportions. Kathy explodes. The woman was an amazing actor. Never before had I witnessed such an outburst of fury, fear, and sadness. Kathy was a small lady, but in that moment it was no longer Kathy standing before us, it was an enormous, vicious, hungry Bear, with bared teeth and claws ready to devour us all. She had my full and complete attention, all thoughts of dinner were gone. She was saying things that no mere words, especially from a smelly sixth grader, could counter, and the character she was playing had completely justifiable reasons for saying them. She said things like, God doesn't exist, or if he does, he is evil for allowing that to happen to her, God murdered her child, she went on ranting like that for quite some time. By this point most of the girls were weeping, not simply crying, serious water works... like a cartoon when the tears shoot from their eyes like a waterfall... I was incredulous. I am not an emotional person, I often joke that I have no heart/feelings, perhaps that is why I thought what I was seeing was so ridiculous (not for the reasons you might think). These girls were not only sympathetic, they were empathetic, they were feeling her profound loss (albeit fake). A few were still trying to say things like, "You need to turn to God, he can help you through this." to which she would icily retort, "Can he give me my child back... can he bring him back from the dead?" To which I thought to my self, "there was this guy named Lazarus a long time ago..." but I knew it would be pointless to mention this, this woman didn't need preaching, she needed a friend, someone who actually cared about her, and we couldn't give that to her. Things began to quiet down a little bit which is the exact point I lost my mind and decided to open my big fat retarded mouth. Without any lead in, and without much thought, I said "...So, you like plants, eh?" Silence. Glares. An incredulous look from one of the counselors. An elbow in my ribs from Tim. A few hesitant chuckles...
Kathy Ripping Into Me. "What the Hell! I just lost my child, and you want to talk about plants!? What are you, some kind of moron?" Here is where I realized my critical mistake, Timing. Some have it, some don't, this was the exact moment I learned I didn't have it.
Some of you have, no doubt, already guessed what I was trying to do here. It is what I always do; first, find common ground, a place where we can both understand one another. Second, show interest in her interests to create a bond between us. Third, get her talking about something that isn't the thing that is bothering her. Fourth, and finally, lighten the mood, get her mind off of it, and on to something that might make her smile. I failed.
From there, things quickly devolved and the scenario was over. Kathy assured everyone that it was all a made up scenario and that she was simply acting. We discussed what people did right and what we did wrong. And it was all very interesting, then she came to me and my comment. She said that I was exactly right in what I was trying to do, I just should have tried to do it earlier... story of my life. Then it was my turn to talk. In the whole time I had been there the only words I said (that the whole group could hear) were "So you like plants". too be honest I cant exactly remember how much of this I told them, and how much I wish I had told them but here it is. "That scenario was unwinable, in all the other ones the people playing them came around to our side and prayed or did whatever... it was a bit hokey and unrealistic, this one was different. You (Kathy) were never going to give in and pray or repent or whatever it is that our objective was. That means that that is not supposed to be our objective. What we should try to do is not necessarily "evangelize" everywhere we go, but simply show the Love of Christ in our lives, or let Him live through us as it is so often said in the church... We went on and discussed this for a while and broke up for dinner.
This is what I got out of that looking back now.
In everything I do, in all my relationships, with everyone I meet, I should treat them with kindness where kindness in needed, patience were patience is needed, generosity when generosity is needed, and even when it isn't (according to your means). Be slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Be nice even when it is hard. Be helpful, even when you think you're the one that needs help. In short LOVE. These are things that I strive to and often fall short of. I learned more than this though. I learned a few things about myself.
- I don't like to be serious. I think people are too serious too much, I like to have fun, and I like to see people smiling. I like it even more when I can make them smile. It is because of this I act like a goofball a lot of the time. If I can make a joke I will, and even if I cant I'll try and hope that the attempt was enough to get a pity chuckle out of you. I suppose it is my small contribution to the world. Or simply to my friends and everyone I have the pleasure to meet. I will do almost anything I can to get a smile.
- I have HORRIBLE timing... always have, always will.
- I can't empathize with girls, I can try, but I usually fail.
- there are a few things that can tearme away from my thoughts of food, one of those is an angry Kathy (my mom's name is Kathy also).
...So, you like plants....
No comments:
Post a Comment